Good Men and Women Exist

Black-Pilled Men, The Crisis of Masculinity, Women + Safety, Believing in True Devotional Love, & More

The other day I shared a post on X that said:

“Women like men who don’t watch p*rn, don’t have casual sex, don’t do drugs, and spend their money wisely (or invest it) because women feel safe with men who have self-discipline. A man who has sexual, physical, and financial discipline is a man with values and integrity, and that’s attractive.”

To me, this post was simply rooted in truth and beauty, and my intention sharing these words were obviously pure. But almost instantly… thousands of men, mostly anons, started flooding my comments and DMs with insults, hatred, false accusations, and even death threats.

They called me delusional, a liar, and they insulted me and all women on Earth. Many said “all women are the same,” that no woman wants a man who isn’t “sleeping around” and that women only are attracted to “bad boys” and “players.” Others made sure to say they “don’t care what women want anyway,” but still went on to share many words filled with anger.

It was loud, but beneath the noise one thing that stood out to me was their wounds. I mean, if you love your life, you’re a healthy person, and you feel loved, you wouldn’t feel the need to leave hateful comments on the internet, right? Or what’s worst, to live hating the other gender.

A woman who walks with self-control, class, and discernment will never choose a man who lacks those same qualities. Not because she’s judgmental, but because she knows her worth and can only date an equal, a healthy masculine. A man who is led by impulse, bitterness, or has addictions of any type, cannot be trusted to lead her or to lead a life of love, because love also requires some discipline. And a healthy feminine will never feel safe handing her heart or body to someone who hasn't done the same.

This, I believe, is part of why my post struck such a nerve. It wasn’t just words, it seemed like my words acted as a mirror. And for many, that mirror reflected a history of pain: betrayal by women who may have also lacked self-control, disappointment in their romantic connections, a rejection that was never processed, etc.

In my post, I didn’t shame men. In fact I uplifted them. I was supporting true masculinity, as I always do. I supported men embracing their highest masculine expression, which is self-control, discipline, integrity, and providing safety. But instead of being celebrated, it triggered something deep. Why?

When a truth (and when I say “truth” I am also aware that not all women and men are the same) deeply threatens a person's self-concept or exposes unhealed wounds, it’s often met with defensiveness. When someone is living a life that doesn’t align with values like integrity or self-control, they might hear a message like mine and experience shame in some cases. And shame doesn’t always show up quietly. It often disguises itself as aggression or sarcasm. But their wounds or shame do not excuse their actions, words, and behavior.

Among the thousands of comments I received, there were many who also said things like:

“Women love being beaten up.”

“R*pe should be legal.”

“You’re lying, women don’t want good men. They want to be degraded.”

These comments weren’t just hateful. They were dangerous. They weren’t just words. They were symptoms of a culture that has allowed bitterness to transform into violence. And as a woman who truly respects and honors men just like I respect and honor women, reading those words was heartbreaking.

This made me realize that it’s not just about “internet trolls”. This is about a real crisis of masculinity.

When someone has been deeply wounded, especially if they've experienced rejection, or abandonment, they often form internal beliefs like: "No one will ever love me unless I force them to.” This belief, when not healed, can grow into a sadistic fantasy of control, power, or revenge.

There’s a term that explains some of those comments, which is called reactive misogyny. It’s the hatred of women that happens not because of anything women have truly done, but because of the perceived pain they’ve caused. It often starts with one girl breaking a boy’s heart. Or many relationships where he chose emotionally unavailable women. Or being rejected by women he wasn’t yet emotionally or spiritually mature enough to lead. So, instead of going within and healing, some men externalize the pain (many women do this too). They generalize their experience to all women. And in the worst cases, they begin to believe that women deserve to be punished for not choosing them.

When a man feels powerless but refuses to surrender that feeling to God for transformation, he may seek to reclaim power in the ugliest ways possible.

This is also how r*pe culture is created, it’s the shadow of unhealed men convincing each other that love is a game of domination and punishment. That kindness is weakness. That “respectable” women don’t exist. That if they can’t have love, they’ll settle for control.

And honestly, it’s terrifying. I know it existed, but I didn’t know how bad it was until now that I’ve seen it first hand.

The Crisis of Masculinity

In my opinion, the problem is also that many young men are being raised online by very unhealthy masculines that call themselves “alpha male influencers.”

Men who prey on insecure, hurting boys and men. They speak to their pain, but not to heal it. They stroke the ego. They tell them the problem is always women. They offer a false form of strength that’s really just emotional illiteracy, dressed up as “dominance.”

It’s no coincidence that the rise of this kind of rhetoric matches the decline in healthy masculine leadership. We now have entire online subcultures that treat violence toward women as entertainment. That glorify disrespect. That normalize the idea that gentleness is weakness, and force is power.

But I’ll say this clearly: violence is not masculinity. Coercion is not love. And hatred is not strength.

Any ideology that teaches men to dominate, control or treat women like we are some worthless, disgusting, untrusty creatures who should not vote and should never leave the kitchen, is not a form of masculine empowerment. It’s a deep form of spiritual brokenness.

I was honestly shocked by the backlash I received. But I was deeply grieved by the state of hearts it revealed. What I witnessed was a generation of men who have been taught to armor up instead of feel. Men who have been taught that expressing pain and vulnerability is weakness. Men who were never taught that loyalty and emotional responsibility/intelligence, are beautiful, honorable values.

Many of these men are what the internet refers to as “black pilled”—a belief system where they see us women as shallow, dumb, hypergamous, and driven only by status or looks. They believe we only want their money and would only date “chads”. They believe true love doesn’t exist. That monogamy is dead. That all women cheat. That all women have high body counts. That no good woman would ever want to be with a good man. It’s a belief system rooted in bitterness, not truth. It’s also often born from that rejection, abandonment, betrayal, or years of choosing the wrong kind of partner and then universalizing that pain onto all women.

Sadly, many of these alpha influencers are fueling this narrative. Some of those influencers also shared my post to say how false it is, how all women are liars, how we are all promiscuous, etc. The same toxic, boring, false speech that has been repeated hundreds of times by different men who share the same wounds. They keep glorifying hyper-promiscuity, emotional detachment, and control under the guise of “masculine empowerment.” It’s performative masculinity, not true masculinity.

But, even in this dark wave of hatred, I still believe in the light. I still believe in goodness.

Because the truth is, there are still men who protect, even when the world says it makes them look weak and that women don’t need to be protected. There are still men who want to be the man that God has called them to be. Men who respect and adore women and true femininity. Men who respect themselves and know their worth.

And there are still women who respect themselves too. Women who pray for others and choose to heal and forgive after being disappointed by others. Women who keep their hearts open even when they’ve been let down. Women who nurture, uplift, respect true masculinity, and bring healing into the world, not bitterness.

Women Value Safety

Contrary to the comments, many women deeply desire what I described in that original post—obviously not because we want to control men or tell them what to do (and ladies, please avoid mothering men, you are a muse, the queen to your king), but because we want to feel safe with them. This is a deep need that all women have. All women. Including women that don’t fully honor the sacredness of sexual intimacy.

Women are biologically and emotionally wired to seek safety in our relationships. When a woman knows her partner is present, self-disciplined, and protective (not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually) it activates trust in her nervous system. Emotional safety and knowing that you can trust your man because he doesn’t lack self-control, also improves the physical intimacy in a couple. And when a woman feels safe with her man, she’ll love him more in all the 5 love languages (physical touch, acts of service, words of affirmation, receiving gifts, and quality time).

Self-discipline in a man is attractive because it signals that he can lead himself, too. If he can say no to fleeting temptation, he can say yes to commitment. If he doesn’t numb himself with substances or run to p*rn for fake intimacy, it tells us he is strong, cares about himself, has integrity, knows how to set boundaries, and values true intimacy. A man who respects his own body, his time, his energy, and his money shows us he’s a healthy masculine, and he’s already loving himself and his future family with his actions.

That’s where safety begins. And when a woman feels safe, she softens. She blooms. She glows. And the love she will pour into her man will be so magical, delicious and devotional.

Healing

We cannot fix the world overnight. But we can heal our own hearts. We can love differently. We can raise our sons and daughters with tenderness, truth, and accountability. We can protect the sacredness of our bodies, our hearts, and our standards. We can choose to become the kind of man or woman who restores trust, not breaks it.

And please remember this:

Whether you’re a man or a woman, you are not crazy for believing that true love, devotion, sexual purity, and mutual respect still exist. You are not “behind” for waiting for someone who sees your worth. You are not naive for believing that fairy tale love (a long-lasting faithful, devotional, passionate, fun, magical love) is still possible when God is the author of your story.

Let some people call it unrealistic, let them mock your values. But never let them convince you to stop believing in what’s true, my love.

Because when you choose love over bitterness, and faith over fear, you are becoming the proof that good men and good women exist.

So keep that hope close to your heart. You were made for a love that reflects Heaven. And it’s coming.

Good Men and Women Exist

So despite what these comment sections and online algorithms will have you believe… good men and good women still walk this Earth. Sometimes quietly, sometimes humbly, sometimes even hidden in plain sight.

There are men who are faithful, who live with vision and honor. Men with values and integrity. Chivalrous men. Men who believe in the sacredness of marriage. Men who don’t just look for beauty but for character. Men who don’t numb themselves with temporary pleasure because they’ve seen how much joy there is in choosing something real. Good fathers. Good husbands. Good sons.

There are men who put God first. Who pray over their relationships. Who practice emotional intelligence, take accountability when they fall short, and hold space for the complexity and beauty of the feminine. There are men who work hard, not just for status or ego, but because they want to provide a sanctuary of love, protection, and safety for the ones they love.

There are men who would never speak the way those anon accounts do. Because they know a woman is not an enemy to conquer or a toy to break. She’s a creation of God—worthy of gentleness, protection, and love. These men still send flowers. Still write loving messages. Still ask fathers for blessings. Still believe in vows, in forever, in soul-deep connection.

And yes, there are women who are also living in devotion. Women who protect their hearts, do everything from a place of love and honor their bodies. Women who don’t trauma-bond, women who have healed their wounds and have chosen to love hard. Women who don’t find joy in playing games or chasing validation. Women who want to build homes—not just houses. Women who will treat their man with sacred respect. Women who are preparing their hearts for the kind of man who is equally intentional. Good mothers. Good wives. Good daughters.

There are women who haven’t "been with everyone," women who don’t need alcohol or any other substances to feel alive, women who don’t need to have casual sex because they don’t need that type of validation (or any, other than God’s validation), women who know their worth and would rather be alone than settle for anything that doesn’t feel safe, magical and God-sent. There are women who pray for their future husbands even in their singleness. Women who carry grace in their silence, and strength in their softness.

And when a good man meets a good woman, the entire atmosphere will shift. Their union heals generations. Because two healed, whole, disciplined people coming together in love isn’t just a romantic connection, it’s a restoration. It’s a revival. It’s a revolution. They don’t need to “fix” each other. They recognize each other. They sharpen each other. They speak life into each other. They elevate each other. And together, they serve something bigger than their own desires, they serve purpose.

So yes, even in a loud world that celebrates hookups over holy unions, even in a time where sarcasm is easier than sincerity, even in a digital culture that normalizes bitterness and glorifies numbness, good men and good women still exist. And you know what else still exists? True love.

True Love Exists

I know the world makes true love feel unrealistic sometimes. Especially if you’ve been hurt before. But your standards are not unrealistic baby, they are a reflection of the love you give.

If you love loyally, you’re allowed to expect loyalty. If you’ve chosen purity/celibacy, you’re allowed to desire someone who honors that same path. If you’ve committed to healing, you’re allowed to want someone who’s done the same. That’s not fantasy, it’s desiring to be with someone who’s in alignment with you. Someone who reciprocates your love and loves you as devotionally as you love them.

I believe in a God who is very intentional. Who doesn’t just match bodies, but souls. And when you surrender your love life to God, you won’t have to chase or perform. You’ll simply become who you were created to be, and your person will recognize you, in perfect divine timing.

Love isn’t dead. It’s just rare sometimes. But rare doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. God has already written your love story and I know it will exceed even your own expectations, if you keep having faith and if you keep becoming the best woman or man that you can be, for yourself and for your future family.

So don’t lose hope. Maybe you’ve been told that what you want “doesn’t exist”. Maybe you’ve been told your values are too old-fashioned. Maybe people laughed at you for expecting loyalty, the same type of loyalty you can offer. Maybe you’ve even started doubting yourself…

These are common things we read on the internet as well. And those voice are always loud too. But I’m here to tell you that your desire for something sacred is something you have to protect. It’s holy. Don’t ever abandon your heart’s deepest desires. The fact that it still lives inside of you, even in a world that often glorifies the opposite, means your heart is both strong and tender, and that’s oh so beautiful.

So keep walking in love, not fear. You don’t have to lower your values just to fit into a broken culture. You’re allowed to wait for someone who honors your depth. Not all men/women are black-pilled. Good men and women still exist.

And your beautiful love story will too.