Love Bombing vs Love
Not All That Glitters Is Love
The line between love and love bombing can be very thin sometimes. The attention, the apparent “devotion,” the compliments, the magnetism… it can all seem like something out of a fairytale. They both often begin the same way, but the roots of love bombing grow from control.
Love bombing can feel like something you’ve waited your whole life to experience. And that’s the point. Love bombing is a manipulation tactic that hooks you emotionally before you have time to ground yourself in discernment.
They bombard you with messages all day, and if you don’t respond quickly, they might guilt-trip you or start acting cold.
They’ll buy expensive things or plan over-the-top dates right away, trying to “win” you fast. It may feel good at first, but their intention is to control so they can make themselves happy, instead of feeling the urge to truly make you happy.
They’ll study you, especially if you have a social media presence, to seem like you’re their “soulmate”.
They’ll give you compliments that suggest that you’re the answer to all their prayers. They’ll say the most beautiful things. They idealize you, not because they see or know the real you, but because they want you to feel addicted to their praise and attention. Phrases like “I’ve never felt this way before” before truly knowing you can be a red flag, my love.
True, healthy love can also look like this; it can be extremely intense (in the most beautiful ways), and yes, sometimes love does come fast. Sometimes, two souls recognize each other instantly. There's nothing wrong with intensity, as long as it’s honest and rooted in love and respect.
But what differentiates love from love bombing is safety and consistency. Love is also passionate and intense, but it’s not performative. It’s not meant to control you, manipulate you, or try to get something in return. It’s meant to see you, accept you, nurture your nervous system by making you feel at peace, and pour into you selflessly.
In healthy love, boundaries are honored, not pushed. You’ll feel seen, not studied. Affection will be consistent, not conditional. You won’t be put on a pedestal, you’ll be loved for who you are. And you’ll feel calm, deeply connected to them, and safe, even without the constant stimulation.
They’ll show consistent interest in you, but also respect your time and space. They won’t act cold if you are not instantly available to talk. They’ll respect your pace too and won’t expect you to reciprocate immediately.
They’ll buy you meaningful gifts and plan beautiful experiences, but they won’t be transactional or performative. They’ll want to pour into you selflessly, just to make you smile and see you happy.
They’ll compliment you and they’ll warm your heart. Their words alone will make you glow. But their compliments will be genuine and honest.
They'll be curious about you, wanting to learn more about you. They’ll take the time to get to know your interests and values without pretending to be the same. But, the most beautiful part? You’ll find that you both have so many things in common, and not only superficial things like interests, hobbies, etc., but your core values will be aligned too.
The connection with them will feel intense and special, but you’ll always feel grounded and emotionally stable. You won’t lose yourself in the relationship, and you’ll find even more things to love about yourself that they will mirror to you.
When love is real, your needs won’t be punished. You won’t be guilt-tripped for resting, or gaslit and invalidated when you share your voice. If someone calls you too much for simply being human, that is not love, baby.
Being wanted so badly, so soon, can feel like a dream… until it doesn’t. Because eventually, you notice something else: you need their attention, compliments, and validation to feel okay. It starts to feel less like love and more like a high that you’re always chasing.
But you weren’t made to shrink, my love. You weren’t made to be addicted to someone’s approval just to feel safe. You weren’t made to walk on eggshells. You weren’t made to be put on pedestals.
You were made for a love that gives you space to breathe, to speak, to rest, to bloom. A love that grows with you, that respects you, and that is consistent not only with words but with actions. A love that doesn’t make promises it can’t keep. A love that’s built on a strong foundation of trust, where you can trust them both in their presence and absence. A love that makes you glow, not because of their grand gestures and compliments, but because of how they love you when things are good and when you face some challenges.
Love bombing can be seductive because it gives the illusion of intimacy, but without the vulnerability of actually getting to know someone. But, just because someone love bombs you, doesn’t mean they’re a bad person. They’re just not the person or the type of love that you deserve.
It’s easy to look at someone who love bombs and label them as manipulative, toxic, or even narcissistic. And yes, sometimes, or in many cases, they are. But not always. The truth is, love bombing isn’t just a strategy used by those who want control. It can also be a wounded attempt to avoid rejection, to fill a void, or to find safety through passion and “intensity.” It’s not always rooted in malice, sometimes, it’s just rooted in fear.
Some people who love bomb are simply insecure or have been hurt in the past. They don’t believe they’re “enough” on their own, so they overcompensate with grand gestures and affection, trying to feed your ego. They try to earn love by overwhelming the other person with attention and superficial romanticism, hoping that if they do that, they won’t be rejected. In their minds, intensity equals connection. But this is only an illusion that they believe.
Some were also raised in emotionally unstable environments. Maybe love was inconsistent or conditional, maybe affection was used to manipulate. Perhaps they were taught to perform for love, to give more than they received (this is healthy, except when it’s done selfishly), or to hide their true selves in order to feel accepted. They mistake passion for connection, and they have learned that love is something you have to earn, or that it will disappear when you need it most.
And then there are those with narcissistic or avoidant traits. People who love the idea of love, but are unable to understand what real love and real intimacy mean. They crave admiration, devotion, and passion. But once the relationship starts to feel real, when you show your true self, or when you show that you also have needs and a voice that wants to be expressed, they withdraw, criticize, belittle you, ghost you, ignore you, disconnect, and/or detach. Because they were never in love with you, they were in love with how you made them feel. Which, obviously, isn’t your fault.
So it’s not always about evil intentions.
But you don’t have to stay in a connection that feels unsafe, even if you understand where their behavior comes from. You can see their wounds and still honor your peace. You are not here to be the emotional anchor for everyone who hasn’t yet learned how to swim through their own depths. You are allowed to choose love that feels calm, not chaotic. Love that unfolds slowly, or fast, but always honestly. Love that doesn’t just want you, but is ready to love you well. That is your birthright.
You deserve a love you can relax into, where your softness and vulnerability are safe, where your power is appreciated, valued, and doesn’t intimidate them, where they want to see you achieve all your dreams and give you the beautiful life you deserve, and where your heart is held and protected without conditions. A love that chooses you over and over and over again, because they know the real you, and love the real you.
That is the kind of love that was made for you.
Wisdom is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her.
Proverbs 3:15-17
When the spirit comes upon us in our youth we judge all around us with our fresh view, as more of our growing knowledge is applied to our expanding experience, greater wisdom is formed, as the indwelling Holy Spirit takes over, and divine wisdom leads us to sacred discernment, this guiding principle becomes the graceful light of our spiritual life beholding the rare rapture of this human experience aflame ~
I’ve always been skeptical of the concept of love bombing because there does not seem to be a way to tell it apart from the normal first rush of love. Most of the advice about it is just pretending you can read the other persons mind. And nothing here has made me question that. I feel like people get upset that their partner was so affectionate at first once their true colours have revealed or the relationship sours. Love bombing is therefore not a very useful concept.