You’re Not Late, Don’t Settle

I see a lot of people settling for the first person who shows interest in them, or for someone they simply have things in common with. We can be compatible with many people in many different ways, but that doesn’t mean we should date them. A lot of people make this mistake, and it usually leads to heartbreak. If God didn’t plan it, then He’ll eventually remove it from your life. Why put yourself through that heartbreak and disappointment, wasting your precious time with someone who isn’t meant to stay, only because you don’t want to be single?

I get it, baby. You want love. You’re eager to find it. But that doesn’t mean you should pursue a relationship with just anyone simply because you’re desperate or you fear being alone.

It’s not a bad thing to admit that you’re desperate for love. It’s important to admit when you’re consumed by your longing. The sooner you take accountability, the more time you’ll save, and the sooner you’ll stop yourself from settling. I don’t see it as a flaw, I see it as a deeply human trait. Your heart longs for something godly, devotional, and everlasting. Desperation is anxious longing. You’re impatient because your heart is open. That’s a beautiful thing. What isn’t good is letting that desire control you instead of taking the reins yourself.

It doesn’t matter if you recently went through a failed relationship and are entering your single era again, or if you’ve been faithfully waiting for your future husband or wife for years. No matter where you are in your season of singleness, or even if you’re just starting to date someone, you can’t settle. Read this again. You. Can’t. Settle. Don’t do it. Never. Ever. Love yourself and your future enough not to settle for less than you deserve.

Waiting is a graceful and intentional act of trust. We’re living in a culture that glorifies instant gratification and encourages us to chase whatever we desire. Another common example of this mindset is “manifestation”, where New Age tells you to “manifest” every worldly desire—money, fame, your “sp” (specific person), whether that’s your crush or your even your ex—even if it comes at the expense of God’s perfect plan for your life. Trying to play "God" may sometimes deceive you into believing you're getting what you want, but not necessarily what is truly good for you or what is meant for you. But that’s an extensive topic for another day.

Choosing to wait is one of the clearest expressions of emotional maturity and self-discipline. It doesn’t mean you’re putting your life on hold, it’s using that time to become the person God is shaping you to be, to heal generational trauma, to have fun (in a healthy way, obviously, you know what I mean), to romanticize your life, to do all the things that make you feel alive. The fear of waiting drives people to settle, but settling is usually a response to anxiety, fear and loneliness. Or the illusion that your time is running out. Emphasis on illusion.

I’ll talk to you right now like a sister: I don’t care how many beautiful qualities you see in them, if you’re attracted to them, if you see potential in them (oh babe, this one is the worst!), if you have a crush that’s awakening your interest, if someone is messaging you trying to gain access to you but the interest isn’t quite mutual, if you’re dating someone but something feels off, if you’re overlooking the so-called red flags because you really want to make it work, or if you’re asking yourself whether you should put yourself more “out there” because all you do is stay at home and your DMs are dry…