Lust Is Not Intimacy

Lust vs True Passion. Black-Pilled Views on Desire. The Root of Lust. The Importance of the Muse. Safety. & More

Baby, lust is not intimacy. Lust is not passion. Lust is not even real sexual chemistry.

Yesterday I posted a tweet that said: “Women don’t want to be lusted after. We want to be your muse”, and, of course, many people had something to say about this.

I’ve selected some of them:

“A girl can’t truly fall in love if she isn’t lusted after. Erections are the basis of every romantic relationship.” (Said by a man)

“In order to be someone’s muse, he has to lust after you.” (Said by a man)

“Virtually all women want to be lusted after.” (Said by a man)

“You want a man to lie to you that he doesn’t want your p*ssy, and he’s only putting his penis in you for creative inspiration?” (Said by a man)

“You write like an Indian man farming his insane audience.” (Said by a man)

“Disconnected nonsense. If you don’t want a man to lust after you, it’s because you have a sexual psychopathology.” (Said by a woman)

“You can’t really be his muse if he doesn’t lust after you in some capacity.” (Said by a woman)

“I want lust too.” (Said by a woman)

“Speak for yourself.” (Said by a woman)

And the saddest one of all:

“Then no one will ever love you. Let that sink in.” (Said by a man)

Unfortunately, many of these comments were not expressing intellectual disagreement. They revealed either ignorance (a lack of understanding about lust and sexual energy), emotional immaturity, or deeply unhealed wounds masquerading as “I know it all. Me right, you Indian man”.

I got many positive and beautiful reactions as well, many women (and men) who agreed with my post, felt seen, and understood what it meant and the intention of it. But it shocked me how there are so many people who don’t seem to get it. Or what's worse, how some people saw that again as an opportunity to be disrespectful.

When we don’t understand the basic differences between lust and true sexual chemistry, we have a problem.

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To be lusted after is not a compliment.

Your person should desire you, and that includes physical desire. We should share our bodies only with the right person, and when we do, passion should be unmistakably present. That is a compliment, when we are desired physically, but also mentally and emotionally. But we should not be lusted after.

Lust is vulgar. Not because sexual intimacy is vulgar (sexual intimacy is sacred and must be treated as such), but because lust takes something very sacred and distorts it into something shallow, ugly, and self-serving. It has no interest in the other person, only what it can consume from them. It’s all about the self and the moment. It’s about satisfying our carnal desires. It’s the fire without the warmth.

Lust is about taking. Lust is intensity without intimacy. To lust after a woman is to devour her with your eyes, but not see her.

On the other hand, true intimacy is focused on the other. It’s selfless, even if you desire the other person with all your being. It’s relational, not transactional. It’s reciprocal. It’s all about connection. It’s passionate, but it’s a fire that is built on so much more than just attraction or chemistry. And it’s a fire that can last lifetimes.

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This conversation reminded me of a post I shared not long ago on X, where I also wrote an article, Good Men and Women Exist, inspired by it. My post said:

“Women like men who don’t watch p*rn, don’t have casual sex, don’t do drugs, and spend their money wisely (or invest it) because women feel safe with men who have self-discipline. A man who has sexual, physical, and financial discipline is a man with values and integrity, and that’s attractive.”

The response to that tweet? Very similar to the one I received yesterday, although this time it was far less intense—thankfully. But they still have a few things in common. Many men, mostly anonymous, of course, flooded my comments and QTs with venom. Last time, I was called a liar, I was accused of spreading “false expectations”, of shaming or not understanding men, of not understanding what women “really want”, etc. Similar to the voices I’m hearing now. And obviously, I was once again accused of being an “Indian man” hiding behind a false profile, trying to rage-bait to get engagement. Anyway, rolling my eyes.

I’ve observed how so many people get offended every time someone says or does literally anything. I see it every day. We see it every day. As the sun rises every morning, a new trendy topic surfaces (whether it’s someone doxxing another person, gossiping about others or choosing a new target to tear down, criticizing the marriage and lives of others—the list goes on and on). As Erykah Badu would say, “on and on and on and on, all night 'til the break of dawn.”

Each topic lasts 24 to 48 hours at most, until they find something new to discuss. And you know what? It concerns me. A lot. This doesn’t happen in real life. People gossip, yes, but not at this level. The disrespect and ugliness we see online every day scares me sometimes. And I’m saying this as someone whose algorithm works beautifully for me, showing me mostly cute, girly, and godly content. But it’s impossible to escape these conversations entirely, because they’re everywhere, 24/7.

If that is a reflection of the souls, hearts, and minds behind those screens, then we’re failing as a society. Because the truth is, no one would be so cruel or gossipy online if they weren’t rewarded with a reaction, attention, or some form of validation. It’s the poisonous epidemic of chasing temporary dopamine hits from strangers online, and the false sense of therapeutic release people feel when they reveal their wounds and true colors without consequence, hiding behind meticulously crafted (and often anonymous) profiles.

When someone is unhealed, they will interpret any invitation to beauty and love as an attack. Sometimes the truth threatens the ego, too. And I’m not saying I’m always right and my truths are always absolute truths. I love being open to being wrong. But what I keep witnessing is not just “disagreements”, or even anger. It is pain dressed up as masculinity, heartbreak that has hardened into unhealed wounds, etc. I don’t take it personally, although I’d appreciate not being attacked sometimes for simply yapping, existing, and sharing my thoughts (which are always rooted in love). But it breaks my heart. It truly does. Because somewhere along the way, these men (and some women) were taught that lust means love, that strength means never being vulnerable, that leadership means control, that sex can be casual, and that love is something they have to earn or even avoid altogether because, to them, love always comes with pain.

They were taught wrong. Most people have been taught wrong.

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A man who can’t master himself, can’t love a woman. Because love requires discipline. Love requires patience. Love requires self-control. And love, real love, is not fueled by lust. Lust fades when it’s satisfied. Love deepens when it’s satisfied.

When a woman says she appreciates men who don’t indulge in p*rn, casual sex, and don’t lust after us, she’s not trying to “control” or shame men, or dreaming of a “fairytale” that is incompatible with real life. She’s trying to honor the ones who have capacity. Capacity for devotion, capacity for building something real. This is not a fairytale. This exists.

There are few things sexier than sexual discipline, in both men and women.

When a woman feels desired and safe, when she feels desired and seen, when she feels desired and valued, she blossoms. She glows. She embraces fully her role as the lover, the muse, and the home (her man’s sacred sanctuary).

Being desired is not the same as being lusted after. If all you ever do is lust, you’ll never touch the most delicious parts of a woman that live beyond her temple.

The Root of Lust + The Importance of the Muse

Lust masks itself as desire, but it’s usually just hunger, a deep hunger for connection that all humans have, but many have buried because they believe connection equals pain and disappointment. This hunger, if left unacknowledged and unmet, twists into longing. Not just any longing, but the kind that drives people toward shallow interactions that never truly satisfy the soul. This is how the bitterness of so many people is born.

The obsession with lust reveals how many men and women have also confused being wanted with being loved. Many women believe that if a man doesn’t lust for them instantly, he doesn’t like them, or vice versa. But women and men who are healthy, healed, and whole, don’t lust. We discern. We don’t want to be desired like an object, we want to be desired on a soul level, which feels even more ecstatic than simply being craved for your body.

To be someone’s muse is not about being a “fantasy”, and it’s not about being an object of purely sexual desire. It’s about being the inspiration that pulls the masculine into his highest self. It’s about feeling seen beyond your vessel. It’s about co-creation and true connection.

A man who treats his woman like his muse will receive endlessly from her, and she will treat him like the King that he is. Every beautiful, devotional, and long-lasting romance needs this.

Women, Men + Safety

Women are biologically wired to seek safety in love: emotional safety, physical safety, and spiritual safety (when they pray for us). Men deserve to feel safe, too. A man who honors his body, treats intimacy as sacred, and has discipline and values— is a man a woman can surrender to. And when we surrender, the love that flows from us will be so sweet, beautifully intense and richer than anything lust could ever dream of producing.

Lust offers momentary pleasure that serves the self only. But a burning passionate yet pure love that is rooted in respect and admiration on a soul level looks like two healed and whole people choosing to see, serve, and sanctify one another through love, intimacy (of all types), commitment, and safety. This creates Heaven on Earth.

We cannot save or change the world in a day. I understand this. But we can start with ourselves.

Men must heal their wounds. Break up with the addiction to lust. Unfollow the men who preach hate in the name of masculinity. Remember how sacred their time, energy, gaze, body, and attention truly are. Return to the version of themselves that still believes in love.

And women must not shrink their standards just to feel loved. Don’t trade real love for lust just because the world says that’s “normal”. You deserve pleasure, yes, but not the type of pleasure that is superficial and will only end up making you feel “used”. You deserve the pleasure that comes from being chosen and cherished for who you are. When your soul is chosen, you’ll also feel desired in all aspects. Stay soft, stay sacred, respect your body and sexual energy, and stay believing in the divine love you’re worthy of.

No matter what people say, no matter how loud the black-pilled bitterness gets, please remember that sacred intimacy is real and divine and doesn’t involve lust, and that true love also exists and doesn’t involve lust.