Submission: Part 2 (Leadership and Trust)

How to Lead and How to Trust His Lead

True submission and true leadership are not surface-level, performative dynamics, despite what most believe. They are about godly alignment, about harmony between two souls who were always meant to find each other, and complement one another so perfectly.

The masculine and the feminine. The provider and the nurturer. The one who leads and protects, and the one who surrenders, softens, rests, and receives—waiting eagerly to reciprocate selflessly. When this is done well, it becomes one of the most beautiful and fulfilling dynamics that exists in love.

People often confuse submission with weakness, manipulation, or even carnal submission, where a woman is expected to submit just to “please” a man. Although it’s obviously important to meet the needs of the man you love and are building a life with—and desire flows effortlessly in a divine union—this p*rn brain type of only lust-driven submission seeks to feed the ego and appetite. But godly submission is never just about pleasing a man’s flesh. It’s about honoring a holy structure that protects, guides, and elevates both souls involved.

Leading and submitting is not about ego or control—at least not true, healthy leadership. It’s about sacred polarity. It’s about choosing to trust your man and his decisions. When a man learns to lead with love, and a woman learns to submit with honor and respect, their relationship becomes a reflection of Heaven on earth. Something holy happens, something magnetic, something deeply erotic, even. Love becomes less about effort and more about rhythm and deliciousness, like honey flowing effortlessly from the comb.

Leadership and submission, when rooted in God, don’t create imbalance. They create synergy. A man leads best when he is disciplined and emotionally safe. And a woman submits best when she is loved, grounded, and seen in her fullness. They both must feel whole on the own, while knowing that their souls need each other. And both must be aligned to something higher than themselves—because otherwise, they’ll just be playing some type of power games, and that’s not love baby.

Men must lead with love, not pride. And women must submit with trust, not fear. When that beautiful dynamic is mastered, it’s inevitable that the love only keeps growing and growing and growing. Because relationships bloom best when they are watered with a combination of giving and receiving, leading and surrendering. That’s how you plant seeds of devotion that bear lasting fruit.

In my previous article, Submission, I wrote about the risks of performative submission and unhealthy leadership, and how these roles can be distorted when they’re rooted in ego, insecurity, or silly dating “rules”. Now, in this Part 2, I’ll go deeper into what it actually looks like to lead as a man, and how a woman can connect with her true, healthy, godly, radiant, and honest submissive self in a world that often misunderstands both.

---

Leadership

Leadership is one of the most misunderstood concepts in modern relationships. Part of the confusion comes from how some modern feminist ideas have talked about leadership in relationships, often portraying it as merely controlling and “toxic”, and attributing it solely to what they dismissively call "the patriarchy". In doing so, they distort its true godly meaning because they are unable to recognize the deeper value and beauty that leadership can hold.

Contrary to what most people believe, leadership—true and healthy leadership—begins with respect and love, not with arrogance or control. When a man is grounded, attentive, and aware—when he truly cares—his leadership creates safety and structure in the relationship. And in a world full of “red-pilled men” and emotionally unintelligent, impulsive, avoidant men, a caring, emotionally grounded, truly masculine, and stabilizing man is a rare and precious thing.

A good, healthy leader is fully grounded and attentive, aware of himself, the people around him, and the moment he’s in. It’s the opposite of being easily distracted by worldly things, being reactive, or emotionally unavailable. It’s the type of calm and quiet confidence that doesn’t need to prove itself but radiates everywhere it goes. It’s listening deeply without immediately jumping to “fix” or control, although it has a problem-solving mentality, which is a highly sacred masculine quality. It means holding space for emotions—his own and hers—without shutting down or exploding. And it’s the ability to stay cool, calm, and collected in the face of disagreements, conflicts, obstacles, detours, changes, or even chaos.

The reason respect is also so important is because true leadership is all about stability, trust and respect. When a man leads with respect, he creates a safe emotional environment where his woman can relax and trust that everything will be okay, and that he’s not just trying to satisfy his own needs while ignoring hers. His mature and calm approach reassures her that no matter what happens, she can lean on him, and that he truly sees and treasures her, which is why the actions he takes while leading always benefit both of them.

Respect—for his woman, himself, and the sacredness of the relationship—allows a man to make wise decisions and keep the long-term good in view. It’s such a key component of true leadership. Without it, leadership becomes purely performative and loses its true purpose: to love and to serve in love.

Before a man can lead anyone, he must learn to submit his strength to the Spirit.

Lay down your ego. Listen to God before making decisions. Lead with respect. Be accountable for your actions and your life.

One of the reasons it’s so important for a man to submit to God first is that this means he will never exploit a woman’s submission to him or ask her to follow him blindly without first earning her trust and respect. When a man submits to God first, he places his heart and will under the guidance of a higher, divine authority, which teaches him to lead from a place of wisdom, not pride. He is guided by his soul, not by his ego. His leadership won’t silence her voice. Instead, it will create space for her to be heard and valued in a safe and loving environment. This kind of dynamic creates devotion and oneness. When God is at the center, both people are led by the same Spirit, and in that heavenly alignment, everything grows. God is the cement and the foundation.

It’s the man who humbly bows before God who can be safely trusted to lead others.

And before a man can lead a woman, a home, or a family, he must first know how to lead himself, too. This is the second most important foundation of trustworthy masculinity—after the ability to submit to God. Without God at the center and without self-leadership, leading becomes either hollow or destructive (or both).

Can you say “no” to temptation when no one’s watching? Not just sexual temptation, but the desire to take the easy way out, the urge for quick pleasure, or the habit of avoiding responsibility? Do you spend money on things you don’t need for a temporary high? Do you scroll on your phone for hours instead of doing what needs to be done? Do you say something out of anger just to feel “right” in the moment? Do you eat mostly junk food instead of nourishing your holy temple? Do you seek validation outside of your relationship?

A man who can’t govern his impulses will sooner or later lose the trust of those who once looked up to him. The ability to honor your higher values over your lower cravings is the first mark of healthy masculine leadership.

This is all about discipline and consistency, too. They matter for a reason. Real leaders are not driven by mood, lust, or emotions, but by mission. Self-leadership means showing up for your responsibilities (mentally, emotionally, physically) even when motivation is low.

Can you make a clear decision without spiralling into fear or second-guessing yourself? There’s nothing wrong with feeling afraid (it depends on the situation), but when fear rules you, it clouds your thinking and begins to drive your actions. Fear is poison. “Fear is a sickness”.

From the movie Apocalypto

Disciplined, self-led men know how to face the unknown and take action even when the outcome is uncertain. They don’t need to have all the answers—they just need to be rooted enough to not fall apart while finding them.

Leadership is not about getting to “be the man”. It’s about becoming the man. The man who is dependable. The man whose word means something. The man who doesn’t need to raise his voice to earn respect. The man whose presence alone makes a woman breathe easier, not walk on eggshells. When a man leads himself well, he leads in a way that makes others feel safe to be led.

If you want to lead her, lead your home, lead your future—start here. Before you lead her, lead you. That’s where manhood begins.

---

To lead is not to dominate. It’s to serve well with love, strength, and dignity. It’s to have values. And it’s about taking accountability, not just for yourself, but for how your actions impact those who trust you.

To lead is:

To take initiative.

To make decisions that benefit both of you, not just what’s comfortable for you or what you need.

To carry the weight of responsibility without becoming resentful or careless with your role.

To anticipate the future, not only your own path, but hers and your future family’s as well.

To show up consistently.

To communicate openly and honestly, but with kindness and respect.

To admit mistakes and grow from them, rather than hiding or blaming.

To protect her (healthy) boundaries and yours.

To provide emotional safety by being in control of your own actions and reactions.

To lead by example, by having integrity and discipline.

To support her.

To remain calm under pressure.

For a man to actually become this kind of leader, he has to pay attention to what needs doing before he’s asked. Find solutions, resolve issues, make plans. Notice the little things, and then act. Do what he said he’d do. Be the same man on Monday that he was on Sunday. Consistency means she doesn’t have to guess who she’s getting today, and most importantly, consistency builds trust.

He should make decisions that benefit both of them and ask himself, “How will this impact her? Us?” Consideration matters a lot, too.

He must keep his word. Be honest even when no one’s looking. A man with discipline earns the right to lead because his life is already in order. He must not see responsibility as a burden but as an act of love. He must not overextend himself to look like a “hero” either, and should set boundaries if needed that help him to give sustainably. He must ask himself if he’s doing something out of love, or if he’s just trying to prove something.

He has to make her feel included in his long-term vision, and talk about her dreams, her goals, her concerns. Express his thoughts and feelings clearly, but never harshly. Learn to pause and breathe before reacting. When he messes up, he must say so—without excuses. Take ownership, apologise sincerely, and correct it. Perfection doesn’t exist, and we shouldn’t expect it, but a man who can say “I was wrong” earns his woman’s trust faster than one who always deflects. And that creates so much magic.

He must listen to understand, not just to respond. When triggered, he must learn to pause and regulate before responding. Don’t explode or shut down. Stay present. Don’t rush to win. Learn to pause, de-escalate, and wait for the right moment to respond. Use calm body language. Seek to understand her. Patience and respect—especially during conflict—is incredibly important.

He must be open with his emotions. If he wants her to be vulnerable, he must lead by modelling it. Vulnerability builds intimacy and makes her feel safe to keep doing the same, otherwise she’ll begin to shut off. It also opens a woman’s heart, and makes the physical intimacy feel sweeter and deeper too.

A good leader brings peace into the room. His presence alone shifts the atmosphere. Not because he demands it, but because he is it. He is the calm in the storm. He is the clarity in confusion. He is a builder when others destroy the sacredness of things. He is a protector when others force women to put on an armor. He brings life to what he touches. He brings order where there was chaos. He brings safety to places that once felt unsafe.

A good leader is a gift from God.

Let Him Lead

Submission is not oppression and it begins not with two lovers, but with God. Before a man can lead a woman well, he must first learn to follow God. And before a woman can trust a man’s leadership, she must already be trusting God with her heart.

Where love flows, peace reigns, and everyone and everything flourishes. We are not called to submit blindly to each other, we are called to submit in reverence to God (Ephesians 5:21). That means both husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, man and woman, must follow God first.

This is why I prefer calling it “Godly submission” rather than just submission. Godly submission is not passive. It’s about a woman choosing to trust her man’s leadership when he has proven himself to be submitted to God and to be a disciplined man worthy of respect.

You trust his guidance because you trust him and the One who is guiding him. You respect his role in the relationship and you let go of the need to control everything, choosing instead to rest in a love that has shown you that is capable of protecting and providing.

A godly, submissive woman is a powerful woman and full of divine wisdom. Intuition is one of the greatest gifts of a woman, and it tells her how, when, and to whom she submits. Submission should be reserved for your man only, the man that God has chosen for you.

You can be highly intuitive, capable, and intelligent, and still allow your man to lead. He won’t silence you. He won’t be intimidated by your power. You’ll use your powers to co-create a beautiful legacy together. And when a man’s leadership is rooted in love, it invites you to be more and more soft—and that’s exactly the natural state of being you should live in.

---

Often, women who are used to doing everything themselves don’t know how to let go of control. But you must let your man carry the decisions sometimes. Let him protect you and handle things even when you’re capable of doing it yourself. This doesn’t mean he has to do everything by himself and you’ll just exist beautifully (which you deserve, though). But true intimacy is also about sharing the burden of life. Being a team. Creating together. Letting each adapt the role you’re better at, and create more beauty and harmony together.