Do's and Don'ts in Relationships

For Women and Men Who Want to Love and Be Loved Healthily

I love love, I believe we all do, but not everyone knows how to love healthily.

Love must be watered consistently and nurtured with intention. Love must be passionate and fun, yes, but also safe and sacred. It should make you feel alive, but also bring you peace. Love must be built on mutual respect and mutual admiration, not just on shared likes and interests. So, when two people choose to love each other this way, healthily, authentically, and devotionally, they reflect the very heart of God, and that’s when magic happens.

A healthy relationship isn’t just about how you love and treat each other in the good moments. That’s easy. It’s about how you love and treat each other when you face problems, disagreements, or when either of you simply has a bad day. And men, yes, you need to understand your woman’s hormones, her 28-day cycle, but that doesn’t mean it’s an excuse for women to bring chaos into the relationship.

So, I created a list of do's and don'ts that I think might be very helpful in building something beautiful, holy, and abundant. The type of love that will heal you, and all previous and future generations.

DO’S

1. Love them out loud, both online and in real life

2. Compliment them often

3. Lift them up. This also looks like saying “I believe in you, even when you start to doubt yourself”

4. Root for them

5. Support them in everything they do, even if you don’t agree with everything

6. Always be honest with them, but make sure your honesty is rooted in love and kindness

7. Communicate your needs with them, without sounding demanding

8. Express your feelings with them, in a respectful and kind way

9. Respect them in their presence and absence

10. Keep flirting with them, even if you’ve been together for years

11. Listen to them, without interrupting them

12. Show interest in their hobbies and passions

13. Remember every cute, silly, or random little detail about them

14. Keep asking them questions, keep learning more about them

15. Make them feel safe to open up to you

16. Make them feel seen. Look beyond the surface and see their heart

17. Make them feel understood

18. Tell them often how much you value them

19. Tell them often how much you appreciate them and everything they do for you

20. Ask them if there’s anything you can do to help them

21. Don’t wait until they tell you they need help with something, to help them

22. Pay attention to their needs and wants, so you can water them

23. Learn their love languages

24. Do acts of service, especially when they’re not feeling well

25. Message them when you’re not in their presence. A photo, a simple “thinking of you” or “I miss you” can go a long way

26. Update them about your life. Share with them what made you smile today, what stressed you out, what you're hoping for, what you have to do, etc. This makes them feel included, not just informed. Women especially love to hear these things

27. Say “I love you” often

28. Always say “I love you” before going to sleep

29. Show that you love them through words and actions

30. Hug them from the back when they’re doing something for you (cooking, building or fixing something, etc.)

31. Keep putting in effort into the relationship so it can keep blooming, and the love can keep growing

32. Forgive and show grace (exceptions: if they’re being disloyal, hurt you physically, etc.)

33. Pause before you react

34. Take accountability when you mess up

35. Be loyal even with your eyes

36. Respect their opinions, faith, likes, and interests, even if they’re different from yours (You should be with someone whose values and core beliefs are aligned with yours, though)

37. Show gratitude for the little things

38. Celebrate their wins, no matter how small

39. Let them vent without trying to fix everything. Help them find solutions if necessary, but first, let them vent

40. Be thoughtful and considerate

41. Speak beautifully about them to others

42. Set healthy boundaries together, and respect each other’s personal space

43. Share your dreams, goals, and future plans with them. Include them in your plans

44. Be dependable, do what you say you’ll do. Never make promises you can’t keep

45. Be playful, goofy, and silly with them. You must feel safe to be yourself with them, and you should have fun together

46. Be patient with them, especially if they’re still healing some wounds

47. Pray for them, and with them

48. Be their peace and their sanctuary

49. Be physically intimate as often as possible, including holding hands, kissing each other, hugging, cuddling, etc.

50. Surprise them with things that show that you care. It doesn’t always have to be grand gestures

51. Make eye contact when they’re speaking to you

52. Make them smile a lot. If she’s a woman, make her blush, too

53. Lay your phone down when they walk into the room

54. Look at them like you still can’t believe they’re yours

55. Remind them often that you choose them, and you’ll keep choosing them

DON’TS

1. Don’t share your relationship problems with others online. Only post about your relationship if it’s to say something beautiful or to love them out loud

2. Don’t speak poorly about them in their absence

3. Don’t disrespect them verbally, and don’t say anything you’ll regret later

4. Don’t compete with them. Love should never be or feel like a rivalry. Both people should win when one person win, and their happiness should be your happiness

5. Don’t give them the silent treatment

6. Don’t take things personally when they’re having a bad day

7. Don’t project your fears or insecurities onto them. Instead of assuming the worst, choose to trust and communicate openly

8. Don’t get comfortable. Complacency kills the passion and intentionality that a relationship needs to keep blooming

9. Don’t abandon yourself physically (for yourself, and for them)

10. Don’t hold grudges, resolve things as they come so you never carry any resentment

11. Don’t assume they can read your mind

12. Don’t use their vulnerabilities against them

13. Don’t make jokes at their expense in public, and never use sarcasm to bring them down

14. Don’t correct them in front of others

15. Don’t compare them to anyone else

16. Don’t dismiss their emotions. Don’t gaslight them, and don’t try to suppress their voice

17. Don’t threaten to leave during a disagreement, and never let a situation turn into a “fight”

18. Don’t let your phone be more present than you are

19. Don’t minimize their needs just because they’re different from yours. Meeting their needs should not be a burden, it should bring you joy

20. Don’t withhold affection to punish

21. Don’t let them go to sleep sad

22. Don’t force them to do anything they don’t want to do

23. Don’t guilt-trip them into doing things for you

24. Don’t stop reassuring them

25. Don’t be passive-aggressive

26. Don’t entertain or flirt with other people

27. Don’t follow on social media people you’re attracted to or have a past with

28. Don’t act single when you're committed

29. Don’t be avoidant when communication is needed

30. Don’t make them guess how you feel. Be lovingly honest about what’s on your heart

31. Don’t lie, even about the small things

32. Don’t weaponize their love against them, and don’t use their past, traumas, or past pain against them

33. Don’t ignore their love language

34. Don’t keep score. Keeping track of who did what, who gave more, or who apologized last only creates distance and resentment. The goal is not to be even, but to selflessly love each other even when you’re going through something. You’re a team

35. Don’t dismiss intimacy or touch. Never make them feel like you don’t desire them on all levels

36. Before you seek advice from others, talk to God about it. Your relationship is sacred and should be treated as such (exceptions: if you’re in a toxic or abusive situation)

37. Don’t let pride stop you from apologizing

38. Don’t belittle their dreams or ideas, even if you don’t fully understand them

39. Don’t try to “win” arguments. Try to understand their side of things

40. Don’t raise your voice during conflict

41. Don’t let your ego insist on being right all the time

42. Don’t make love conditional. They should never have to “earn” your love or affection

43. Don’t play games or test their love

44. Don’t do things just to get a reaction

45. Don’t use your phone while they’re talking to you

46. Don’t roll your eyes when they’re sharing something meaningful to you

47. Don’t expect them to be perfect. Perfection doesn’t exist. But they must be perfect for you

48. Don’t ask for transparency if you’re not willing to give it

49. Don’t put them in a position where they’ll feel like they have to choose between you and themselves

50. Don’t make them beg for your time or attention

51. Don’t walk ahead of them without noticing or waiting

52. Don’t ignore their body language or tone when they’re clearly not okay

53. Don’t forget to say “thank you”

54. Don’t stop dating them after you’ve got them

55. Don’t forget they’re human

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🤍 If you enjoyed this article, you can find many more in-depth pieces on my Substack:

Good Men and Women Exist - Black-Pilled Men, The Crisis of Masculinity, Women + Safety, Believing in True Devotional Love, & More

How To Know If They're "The One" - Love-Bombing, Sex & Intimacy, When It Feels Like Love But It’s Not, What True Love Actually Looks Like.

& more🤍