Sexual Discipline

What Is Sexual Discipline?. Celibacy vs Sexual Discipline. Sexual Energy. What Does Sexual Discipline Look Like Practically (Steps & Tips). And More

Every time I speak about sexual discipline, I notice the same pattern in the responses/comments I get. People either 1) don’t fully understand what it means, 2) some take it personally and feel offended by it because they don’t fully understand it, or 3) they kindly ask me what it truly looks like in practice.

Some confuse it with simply not having sex (being intentionally celibate), or with being involuntarily celibate (an “incel”, as they would say). But celibacy doesn’t automatically equates to sexual discipline because sexual discipline goes far beyond whether or not you are having sex.

That’s precisely why, although I’ve touched on this subject before (Lust Is Not Intimacy, Celibacy, Sensuality, Passion vs Lust, Lust vs Desire: What Do Women Want?, Polarity: The Secret to Attraction, Lust, Libido & Sexual Energy, God Created Sex & Intimacy), I want to revisit it with more clarity and depth, especially in distinguishing what sexual discipline actually looks like in both men and women.

Because surprise! This is something that shouldn’t be controversial, but often is: men and women are equally sexual beings. The long-standing narrative that men are somehow less capable of having sexual discipline because “they’re just men” is not an objective or scientific truth, it’s an excuse. An excuse that has been repeated so often it’s become culturally accepted, which has allowed many to avoid any accountability.

God didn’t create men and assign them uncontrollable, animalistic urges as a justification for their lack of restraint. He didn’t create men and said “and you’ll have uncontrolled sexual urges and will objectify women but that’s okay buddy because you’re just a man!”. He didn’t create women and said “and you’ll have a less sexual drive and only you will have to stay chaste until you find the man I created for you, because I made you a woman!”. He didn’t create women as the sole carriers of purity, tasking us with the moral weight of sexuality. We were created equally, which means we are both sexual and we are both responsible for our actions. We are equally sexual, but differently sexual.

Sexual energy is divine, it’s healthy, it’s creative, it’s life-giving. It’s GOOD. But like anything good and powerful, it also requires discipline. Having access to something sacred doesn’t give you permission to misuse it. That’s why discipline is so important, because it is what turns it into something honorable and even godly, rather than destructive.

I will always advocate for waiting for the right person. But that conversation, while related, is only one piece of a much bigger picture. Because again, sexual discipline goes far beyond the act of having sex or any type of sexual intimacy.

What is sexual discipline?